I would never fuck my own mother

Sitting at home one lonely night, I decided it would be easier to sleep if i were to jerk myself off. Now since Amanda left i have been slowly falling a perverted well of watching anal sex, and facial cumshots online. I seem to be becoming desensitized to conventional forms of sex, and thus it is becoming increasingly hard to quietly shoot my load while hoping my little brothers hearing isn't so good. I have discovered that jerking off with a male roommate is extremely nerve racking. While touching myself with Amanda in the other room, I always had some sort of sick delusional fantasy that she would walk in to discover me masturbating, and be so shocked at how big my penis looks in my hands as opposed to hers that she could not live any longer without finishing me off. She would then kneel before the computer chair and proceed to gobble down my massive pecker. In reality, if Amanda ever caught me masturbating she would have been relieved that I had finally taken some initiative in our relationship and took care of one of the various "chores" that our relationship provided her. Also our oral sex never involved her "gobbling down my massive pecker," it would usually entail her pretending that she could not fit the whole thing in her mouth, while watching whatever was on television. One day in highschool, one of my pubic hairs became lodged in the back of her throat creating a sort of gagging sound. After telling her I was quite proud that my penis could cause those sort of sounds to come out of a woman, I was forced to listen to the most obviously fake gag sounds you could ever hear, for the next seven years. It is hard to stay in the moment when the woman you love sounds like she is a retarded carnival worker learning arabic. Now, if Joey caught me masturbating, i strangely assume the same scenario with the gobbling down the cock would happen.

So because I am having so much difficulty jerking off to normal porno, i find myself late at night searching for disgusting acts of degradation that I can pull my lever too. Some of the things i have been watching on the internet have really made me question weather i am a good person. I am going to need to stop a rape of a fifteen year old or something just to make up for the "sexual karma" I am accumulating on my Thursday nights online.

Tonight while searching the web, i discovered a video entitled "A family friend catches me jerking off, she then helps." Now at this time i was not entirely hard, so i decided i would "warm up" with this video and search for something racist to finish too. Listen, nothing is more erotic to me than the "n" word. And this, I am extremely sorry for. So after pulling up the video i discovered that the video was actually a mother blowing her own son. The whole time they kept talking about how "mommy shouldn't do this" or "after you cum, you have to clean your room." Now after realizing what i was watching i decided that this was disgusting and i need to find another page, at least that is what my mind was thinking, my penis was actually quite intrigued with the plot line of this film. That is when my mind said, "listen Elliot, you are a highly evolved human being, and this sort of debauchery isn't what you are going to blow your load too."

After blowing my load to the mother son video, i found myself feeling dirty. Usually after i masturbate i feel dirty, but that is because i just spent the last forty five seconds looking at myself with my shirt off. Anybody would feel dirty having to see that. But this time it was different. I assume that at some time while watching this video, my own mother had to pop into my head at some point right? I mean that is only natural, the mind makes associations. So I have learned that even my own mother isn't taboo in my masturbating life. Which is a very big part of my life lately. I can't have my mother poking around my sexual fantasies. Here comes the nurse to give me a sponge bath, and wait, is that my own mother in the next room listening in? I am legitimately concerned that I have opened up a sort of Pandora's Box of masturbating. I allowed one mother into my masturbating mind, whose to say more mothers won't pop up. And when i am masturbating to a random mother, than subconsciously i must be masturbating to my mother. Masturbating was the only thing i was ever any good at, the only thing to ever bring me any joy in life, and I may have ruined it. Trust me, my mother isn't somebody you want over for dinner, let alone, critiquing your stroke. "Why do you stroke like that, your father used to stroke like that and it never satisfied me. I would never have raised you the way i did, if i knew your stroke was that off balance. Look at her face, she isn't enjoying that. Your fucking is just like when you played little league. You could have been great, but you were too lazy. And this poor girl is suffering because you are lazy. You are disappointing her just like you disappointed your mother by never graduation college" My God, what have i done. My penis feels less than soft right now. It looks one of those apples after being left in the garbage can. All brown and shriveled. I think I am going to try to masturbate to some gay porno, just to get my mind off of this. I think a a male not related to me, is better than my own mother. Now if I was masturbating to my father, I would have some real issues.